Yes, this pic is so cute… kawaii desu ne?  This is also for the closing of my New York theme.

Life is all about love, like I love New York but at the end is I had to let it go. Now I am in Chicago, my life is just getting so much “better” here. I eat better, sleep better, feeling better and happier, around my family… Wait a minute, nobody said that life is easy but why is it has to be this hard?

The reason I was here because of my second sister was getting married, she’s really into this marriage thing, form a family, kids and all the normal stuff in life… Well, you know, I was so happy for her when she finally got married! I delivered a little speech on the wedding at the temple, this whole thing is just “new and foreign” to me, especially with the western culture. I admitted that I googled the words “speech, wedding, sister” and found lots of them, they were just not what I was looking for… and nothing was free so I decided to made my own little formal speech. It went well, chills went down my spine though that I had to deliver it in English in front of “the bules”-that’s what we called white people in Indonesian- but I managed anyway… phew, not again please, mister…

Everything was smooth and alright until when the gals -me, my mom, my sis Fe and the bride- were going to have our little bachelorette party… My sis-the bride- had to move some stuff with her husband even though it wasn’t planned before, because his family suddenly offered to help move some stuff to the new house while they were renting this big van. Well, it did successfully ruined our carefully planned bachelorette party-a Korean BBQ and karaoke night. They had a fight, she got too exhausted, lost her mood and we lost our appetite too. We only did the karaoke but she could barely sit comfortably in the dark little room for just two hours… That night, she had to rush back to her new house because of the husband’s demand. It was supposed to be our night together because the husband already did the bachelor party the night before. So what the F, man… Can’t girls just wanna have some damn fun here?

I just can’t believe this, few years back I was just like her… blinded by love, sacrificing all and when all was not even enough, I ended up losing everything… for another woman.  It was so scary how that happens to any woman, even for the strong ones… they could just throw everything away-friends, family, career, dreams, hopes, you name it- just for, what they believe is love and to think that sacrifice is an act of love.

Women sacrifice a lot in life; biologically we have to get our damn period every month, deliver the baby and betting our life during the labor. I think we really deserve happiness, don’t get us wrong- we love dramas; fights, tears, love, lonely, hurts and missing someone; we really do enjoy those too and therefore, women has right to love and be loved.

Some men dominate women and think that is LOVE, some women think that it is LOVE if they sacrifice for men. I’m not trying to be a feminist here but I guess there’s something wrong here if this is the basic of the relationship between men and women.

If this is why “bule” wants Asian women, because they were delicate and submissive so they can be dominated, then kiss my yellow ass…

Coming from the -not so broken family -because my parents were, amazingly sick, still together after what she’s been through for 36 years. My abused mom still clinging on him, won’t get a divorce and thinks every thing’s alright just because she’s used to it. My mom admitted that she never loves my dad but I was glad that once she had her love story.

Her eyes wandered far away when she told me about her love of her life, it was natural, short and sweet love affair, until she had to choose between her kids and him… She chose us. I was glad that she once loved someone and was loved… It was beautiful and sad.

I heard this crappy 90’s love song ringing in my ears,” if you love someone, you have to let her go…” well, I guess in some cases, it’s true.

I have to let my sister go ; it is painful, it does feel lonely;  but if she’s happy then I am happy for her too.