There was an interesting phenomenon that I found when I got back from the States to Indonesia… I was aware of this but now it is becoming something that everything talks about here, still related to marriage, but more about why do people get married. (It’s not Tyler Perry’s movie, I promise y’all… it’s way better)

Well, I wouldn’t go that far beyond reasons because I can think of 1000 silly marriage excuses, like arranged marriage, for money, for convenience, for your dad’s last dying request, for your family’s debt (because it was either you or the cow but your dad loves the cow more than you) or only for the sake of age. Hmm, the last reason was the one that interested me the most for it is concerning women issues.

My second sister just got married recently, she was old enough to get married at 33 turning 34 this year. It was worrying for her not to get married and have babies since as a nanny, she takes care other people’s kids all the time. Now the pressure is on my third sister, she loves her career as a dancer and has been dancing for more than 10 years now. She was so busy, has several relationship but she was never really in a relationship steady enough to sound a wedding bell. Recently she was in a play called Miss Kadaluwarsa, about a thirty-something year old woman, she was pretty, career oriented, successful but not yet married and had pressures from family and people around her.

I found it quite amusing, even though she was very cheerful and indifferent about this relevant issue but when I ask her, she said that she would want to get married and told me straight if it is impossible for a woman not to get married in Indonesia.

I was pretty shocked about that statement. Is it really true? As I look around, most of my female friends are already married and lots of male too, or going to get married next year. Old friends I know opens a conversation with “When are you getting married?” or maybe they just don’t have anything to talk about.

Even though in Indonesia, there are more modern working women than ever and their view now has changed about marriage but there are still way more conventional thinking people, related to their religion and culture that believes of marriage institution as “a must” that contributes to the wrong reason of getting married. I know one of my good friend is dying to stay single even though she was in 10 years relationship and everyone was teasing her to “just do it”. She told me one day that she does not need a marriage institution to prove their love.

Coming from New York City when everyone celebrates to be single, I was having a major shock culture moving back to Indonesia! This is quite a story, one of our friend got married recently in New York… I felt that she was quite embarrassed for her traditional choice of marriage since everyone is single, divorced or never married. She was pretty, a professional chef and living out loud single party gal. She was in this 2 years relationship when the boyfriend’s dad wanted his last dying request for them to get married. It was a mix of strange atmosphere at her bachelor party, gloominess, depression and maybe a slight of happiness (from the alcohol and some recreational drugs :P)

I was kind of disappointed to see Carrie Bradshaw finally got married, but they still left the option for not getting married at Samantha Jones… of course. I have a client, she was very inspiring and the ultimate Carrie Bradshaw, real New York City girl.  She was a professional photographer, single at her fifties, smart, still looks fabulous and enjoying her life. She never cooks and always eat out as she lives at the convenient upper west side of Manhattan. She spends her weekends at South Hampton beach with her friends or just travels to Asia, her favorite part of the world, every year.

But of course she was one in millions of women in this world. Une Femme et Une Femme… A woman is a woman, as Goddard said. I believe it is still an option. It is on your mind, the one who is getting married is you and fuck the people around you…It could be tough with the family, friends, social pressure and judgment but don’t be afraid of them calling you an old maid aka miss kadaluwarsa (meaning: expired woman).

I am not the one who against marriage but if you’re going to do it then do it for the right reason. LOVE…? I know it was not enough to start a family with only love but it could be the only right reason to start everything in this crazy world.

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 4th, 2008 at 7:24 am and is filed under Diary, Life, culture, love, women issues. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.