With this global recession happening all over the world, it was hard not to have worries about what will become the world in the future, even in the next year. Reading more and more, Citi groups, Peugeot, Rolls Royce etc are planning to lay out more tons of workers. America, the world no.1 Economic power, and Japan, the 2nd, were admitting that they are in recession. China with the most extra money in the world right now, even, laid out tons of workers with the factory closings from the “melamine” stuff, export gone bad and demand was falling. Nobody can save others now, every country is struggling with their own problem. Well, there’s still IMF, of course, but that’s not what I’m trying to talk about here. You can read the New York Times then after ^_^  (not being endorsed here but please do oh God )

Enough with that stressed out issue, you must be thinking, what the hell is she trying to tell? What I am trying to say is that nobody can save anybody at the end also. I learned from my previous near-death experience that it really OK just to be normal and alive, it doesn’t matter to have the latest punkish hair-do, the hottest anorexic body, the sexiest mani-pedi fingernails, the most up to date 3G video cellphone or blackberry (ahem) or even the most exquisite taste of Indie, from the really depth of underground music, so nobody will know that band when you mention it and you would say, “oh really? you never heard of it?? where have you fuckin’ been?” NO. it’s not that. It’s what on the inside? YES. Cliché…

It is really hard to release all of that stuff. After all that is what excites you, turn you on and makes life more interesting, yes?

If you’re not lookin’ like that guy from the latest punk band with tattoos all over body, you will worry those assholes always hangin’out every night on the small aisle to your house won’t stop bully you for cheap vodka.

If you were not there to see and to be seen at the upcoming hip dance event that is really “happening” now then it’s doomed and you doubt it that you can show your face ever again! even on Facebook…

If you don’t have the latest blackberry when everybody in your office are having them dangling on their waist, you may be self-conscious, you don’t want to look poor or not keeping up with the latest ga-ga gadget trend.

I am not worries, doubts, self-conscious- free, still struggling also… I really want to have my “old” physique back. My long beautiful hair, skinnier body and my not so bubbly cheek ^_^ and of course my freedom of not to worry about getting sick after exhausted of work, the old happy-go-lucky me. Playing with danger, pushing myself around until I was at the edge of the cliff. Every thing that I own before I got sick, I really fuckin’ miss it.

But, I am really thankful, this week was a funeral week. I knew three person died on this week, an aunt defeated by cancer, a friend suffered from asthma and a neighbor that I never know. One friend was also dying of dengue fever. I just am really, really, really thankful for just to still be waking up the next morning.

Cliché again, romantic and fuckin’ boo-hoo sad drama. But that is how am I now. Very simple and I know too that happiness doesn’t come from all those “outside” things that you can wear and show around. I just want to be happy now. Happy happy happy and be a good person.

Maybe join a child hunger act or green peace or sumthin’ make myself useful, don’t you think? ha ha ha. yeah. anything dude. Count me in.