When I tried to think about this famous travel book title, I think more, wow what a cool name… and if I were a constant traveler, I might never be as lonely in this planet as the title… There will always be something fresh, fun and exciting going on.

But I’m not a traveler and I don’t have that much money being a freelancer designer in a third world country to be traveling to first world and second world countries very often. So this post most likely be about the lonely planet literally.

As my age almost hits the big 30, it will be 29 this year on upcoming October, I began to notice my aging physically and psychologically few weeks ago. I thought…. ahhh this is what they said with the part of getting old.

I have never really paid attention to the dark circles under my eyes until recently, maybe that was because I had too much time now, to look myself in the mirror. I bought some eye cream and thought that I would see the result instantly but nahh…forget it. And as for my skin, I always had dry skin… when I was a teenage, that was an advantage not to get some pimples like anybody did but as I grew older, some wrinkles on my forehead started to look visible. When I squinted, the wrinkles did not disappeared, but they’re remain there. I also did not enjoy too much on trying out new make up, fashion and all as much as I used to do. The part of my face I hate and part of my bodies I dislike, all came together with such an -okay there’s nothing I could do to change it and I have to live with them for the rest of my life unless I would consider a plastic surgery- acceptance nowadays.

Well, enough about that, but the psychological thing bothers me the most. And almost all my friends too had this aging syndrome. Because here in Jakarta is so boring, the women and the men, they all jumped into marriage as fast as a shinkaisen before they hit the big 30. If someone is not married yet then they will be considered old maidos or weirdos. The wedding receptions are also a pain in the butt, we have to dress up nicely, put on some kebaya, some nice batik skirt/ kain, some heels and make up - ah such a nuisance! than all the small talks, oh hey.. when are you getting married too? who is the lucky guy? how long have you two dated? where do you work now and where does he work?… anything that could make a very interesting topic in their facebook chat in this very ordinary life (boring).

Ah yes, this atmosphere is making me so bored and perhaps has made me a boring person also!  I tried to keep up with life that I have created now, a job with old friends and co-workers, hang out with old high school friends… at first it was very nice to meet up with them since I’ve been back last August, go to the gym to swim and exercise few times a week but then I feel that I have lacked on something new and fresh.

I had a long distance so called “open relationship”, we have talked about this but we never specify how open is the relationship… can we date someone else, well I thought so, until when I like somebody else new and he hated this because he was jealous. I am sure that this won’t be as open as that you can just open your clothes in front of somebody else then? What about fucking somebody then, will it be a crime and you will be as guilty as Bill Clinton for having an affair? what is the point of having an open relationship then? why not get married and make it an open one? you can cheat if the other doesn’t know like most of the marriages nowadays! or pretend that you don’t know…

In terms of relationship, I have almost fucked things up. Some women are so gifted in keeping their relationship until the day the marriage comes but not me. I’m not that patient. I was there before for three years until I was fed up and I wanted my freedom. Maybe I was young at that time and maybe it’s just too fast to be committed.

And here I am, spending my weekends alone and I thought it would be nice to have someone to look forward to spend your weekends with after long hard busy week. Not with someone that maybe just want to spend this weekend but not the next weekend with you. Not someone that you have to guess to figure out if he likes you that much or not. Not someone that you have to think who he spent the rest of his nights with?

But what am I thinking about? and maybe that’s what the rest of those people that decided to get married thought so too.

So who is the most selfish one? People who got married because they are afraid of loneliness or people who don’t want to get married because they can’t commit ?

If they got married, then will they escape the loneliness or the lust from looking at another pretty faces and sexy figures?

I had a friend who had his girlfriend who lives in another country, pushed him hard to get married, while she has everything ready to get married for the guy. She was a big shot in her company. They have been dating long distance not that long, maybe almost a year, she expects him to give up his job, family and friends he loves to move to another country to live with her, in her apartment, live her life, be friends with her friends and breathe the air she breathes with. He was afraid of passing this love opportunity package if he said no. Oh.. and losing her, too.

Do you think that was too much to ask? Is this a win-win situation, maybe?

I also had a different friend, he has a young girlfriend, thank god she’s not under aged… but young enough to fuss about small things like most teenagers do in a relationship. Where have you been? Who did you go out with and why didn’t you tell me? The age difference is almost a decade and the gap is unreachable, even love seem irrelevant right now and patience would be gone off limit. Such a love and hate relationship, he knew already what’s best for both but yet indecisive when loneliness is becoming unbearable.

Then who is to blame now? loneliness or selfishness?

I even so worried that I was wide awake one night until the sun rose, thinking about if I might had a real psychological problem. Maybe I had the Wendy syndrome, which I found randomly when I was googling about Peter Pan syndrome.Yes, that such syndrome existed. well I thought that Wendy has the syndrome of not wanting to get married, to be free like Peter Pan.. but hell… she was also a depressed character after all. I’m afraid that I should be booking an appointment to a shrink next thing in the morning.

The Peter Pan and Wendy syndrome: a marital dynamic.

A marital system is described which features an unfaithful and narcissistic husband, Peter Pan, and a long suffering and depressed wife, Wendy. The dynamics of their individual adjustments are examined as well as the symbiotic nature of the dyadic relationship. Other characters take their parts–Tinker Bell, Tiger Lily, and Little Lost Boys. Peter’s infidelities belie a firm attachment to his Wendy/mother whilst she depends upon him for protection from forbidden impulses.

source:http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/6957178

Very cool. Now I know what my parents relationship are called in the psychological terms. and I might be the Tinker Bell. Somehow, we, the daughters think that they are two selfish person not loving each other, not wanting to be together but the who am I supposed to be with then after we’re old and sick so we stick to each other- syndrome overcame everything.

Do I want to be them? Should I get married out of loneliness? Only time will tell, my friends.

Now I just have to accepted that life really is really becoming boring at this age…

Once I really loved the song by Pet Shop Boys in my youthful age, I was full of energy, me and my boyfriend with our friends were in a car… singing together cheerfully out loud on the top of our lungs:

“cause we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: make amends
And we were never holding back or worried that
Time would come to an end”

These vague beautiful scene of memories somehow overplayed with the song in my head over and over again.

Oh, how I wish we were never being boring in this lonely planet…